Writing Exorcise

15 09 2009

I have uploaded 13 short stories I’d written over the past five years. They are there to the right of your screen, all lined up and primed for your perusal in my little Fiction sidebar. They say hi.

There used to be a time when writing fiction was not this source of grief for me. That was about 14 years ago, when I was still in grade school and wrote chapters of “novels” about friends and family and doled them out week per week for them to read. And I did it because it felt good that someone was reading shit that I liked making, and nothing more. I wrote and printed and distributed and wrote again, and it was all good.

But somehow, something went very awry, and I found myself a few weeks ago staring at the latest story I was working on and seeing every bit of it as a goddamned chore. Not a challenge. A chore. Writing had become something I was forcing myself to do, and for reasons that are not good for me at all. These reasons have been sapping any actual joy out of writing. I started writing because it felt good. And hunching over my laptop and letting a fucking Word file goad me into questioning my worth as a person does not feel good, yo.

The act of writing is not supposed to sadden me the way it has recently. And neither am I supposed to build my life around this endless and exponentially burdensome hunt for approval that I, until recently, had made myself believe was this necessary evil. Someone had asked me last year why I didn’t just put my stuff up online, and I didn’t really have a valid answer for that. Whatever tripe I had managed to guise as a reply was a lie, and I knew it was bull even then.

But I’ve had enough. Thus, I will write, and I will upload — an updated version of my xeroxed and stapled and passed around projects of yore.

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11 responses

15 09 2009
egay

salamat dito, margie. alam kong maraming gaya ko na gustong makapagbasa sa mga ito.

16 09 2009
Marguerite

Salamat din, Egay! 🙂

16 09 2009
kmfdm

sucker’s stapled and xeroxed version looks purty good to me : D may cinematographically lighted nudie pix pa hehe : )

17 09 2009
Marguerite

don’t forget the milk bath! 😀

16 09 2009
Martin Villanueva

woot, woot

17 09 2009
Marguerite

the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.

17 09 2009
ayliya/Sanyata

Belated happy birthday nga pala, Marg!

17 09 2009
Marguerite

Salamat, Eirene! 🙂

18 09 2009
Mitch

Maglibro na kasi. hahaha 😀

20 09 2009
Marguerite

Oo nga e! Am working on it. 🙂 Would you know kung ano yung submission/manuscript requirements sa ADMU press?

29 09 2009
Mitch

Not really. I’ll ask around. 🙂

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