Kaya Palaaaaaaaa

8 12 2009

The longer I work in a hospital, the more convinced I am that I was brought up all wrong. A few weeks ago, for instance, I was sitting in on an interview with a developmental pediatrician, and learned that parents should never, ever 1) scold their child often (and with vigor, physically or verbally), 2) allow their child to thumbsuck past 7 months of age, and 3) fight in front of their child. These acts would, more often than not, result in 1) the child’s equating parental attention (which he craves, even unwittingly) with his capacity for bad behavior (thus, the kid has a subconscious tendency to keep being an asshole), 2) an extreme sense of dependency on outside factors (e.g. money, achievements, thumbs), and 3) the child’s acceptance that hatred is the norm, respectively.

See? Now I know why I’m an insecure abusive delinquent!  

But seriously, this at least explains why I feel so inept in social situations. My folks have inadvertently primed me to dislike, or to feel uncomfortable with and untrusting of, myself. And thus, I can’t stand being around other people, because it is a most grueling exercise in projecting a positive self-image. It explains why I feel so physically beat after mingling in a crowd, or why tiny niceties sting like big, fat needle pricks. Again, it’s not that I don’t like the people I interact with; it’s the interacting that saps me. And this explains why I’ve been such a hermit for the past year, or why it seems like the best thing to do, once seen, is disappear.

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